you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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