I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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