My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
