Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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