I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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