Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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