Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
