don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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