dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
