just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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