where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
