she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
