so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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