Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just googled if crying burns calories
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
