just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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