The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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