Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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