He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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