i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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