we have officially lost it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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