$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize