Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
