Kiss
Puke
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
