Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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