idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
