from now on my penis is your penis
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
