It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
