Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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