yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
