I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
