his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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