After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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