So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
