Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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