he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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