My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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She told me I should be a condom model.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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