I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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