I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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