hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I want is dick and wine.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
