When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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