The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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