i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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