You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
