Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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