just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
