You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
