Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
