Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
