please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
