look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
