Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize