This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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