I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize