you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
