If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
