There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
